Pictured: Someone who will never get laid.
If you're a brony, you are 20% more likely to get your ass kicked all over the place for being a huge fucking neckbeard.
How the infestation fanbase started.
A long time ago in 2010, My Little Pony began to rear it's ugly head like it does every decade, but unlike the previous incarnations, this one has a fanbase that started as a joke on 4chan, because grown men liking a show for little girls is actually the most hilarious thing ever (it still is). Unfortunately, it seems that many impressionable idiots think the show is god and announced their fanboyism. Now the show got to be so popular, even men in their 20's and 30's are getting so much merchandise and showing us that they'll never get laid. At first it was funny, then it became sad, then it was funny again. Created by the same guy that made the Jenny Jones Show and Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Satan decided to unleash this eyesore on television to influence pedophilia and beastiality, and to plant the seeds of the alt-right (well, kinda).
What's the Show About?
Okay, so the animation looks terrible. Seriously, thick lines and too much color. Who is the genius that designed this shit? It looks ugly. The animation is so awful it makes early 2000's internet flash cartoons look like Miyazaki films. Don't get me started on the music. The music sounds like a bunch of Disney knock-offs, and if Disney sucks so badly I want to drink bleach after hearing their songs in those old movies, imagine what the knock-offs make me want to do. Probably cut myself all over and jump in a pool of boiling diarrhea.
What do bronies do?
No really, look at the fanart on Deviantart. They always create their own fursonas and original characters that all look the same. Like some 13-year old just grabbed a base off of some guy from Deviantart and used MS Paint to fill in the colors and shit like that. Yeah, it's always the blandest shit I have ever seen.
They also write fanfiction as well. Yes the fanfiction all sucks as well. I can tell all the characters are a bunch of may-sues or some stupid fucking roleplays nobody in their right mind would ever do. Just like furry rps, and we all remember how cringy that shit was. Actually, let's just say that all roleplaying is gay.
*Teleports behind some roleplaying neckbeard*
"Get a job, lardo!"
*Teleports to a strip club*
Besides, I can write better fanfiction:
One day on planet shitfuckerson (Whatever the setting is called), all the ponies were doing their usual thing when the Jugulator comes out of nowhere, slashes them, and then incinerates them all while yelling "You're going...to BURN IN HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!" then the entire planet erupts, lava spills everywhere, and Five Guys opens up there, and the planet was renamed Hell! Welcome to planet Hell!! It kicks ass!!
See? Wasn't that better fanfiction? And I'm a fan myself, I mean, Judas Priest rules! Jugulator was a good album.
Did you know that bronies are also creeps as well? Yeah, there are news stories about bronies creeping on children and women as well. I mean, it's bad enough that bronies are single manchildren who always manages to chase women away, they're always fat and ugly, they have no social skills (because they learn it from the show meant for 5 year old girls, and it says that much about how pathetic these people are), so they have to try harder.
Here's some proof. Don't forget that bronies are all pedophiles.Did you know that bronies are alt-rightists? They're all misogynistic pighorse-fuckers, they're racists, they're sexists, they're homophobic as well. I have more respect for the Westboro Baptist Church then I do grown men who like My Little Pony. Sad, isn't it?
This is for all the ladies reading this: DON'T DATE BRONIES!!!
Of course bronies are people, people we stay away from.
This is why I moved to a different planetary system
With all this talk about how celebrities like Amy Schumer and Katy Perry saying they'll move to Canada if Trump is elected, I kinda regret not saying something like that. But it is because of bronies that I decided to move to a different planet. Now look at this picture:
Art by Kim Poor
This is Azurite Falls, on the Moon Azurite, of the Planet Motherfucker (The Watercloud Jovian on the horizon), and on this hypothetical icy moon, I am gonna open up a mansion with bitches and booze everywhere. On this moon, bronies are not allowed, and if any of them do land on this moon, I will personally hunt them down and stick a dildo up their ass, then send them on a one-way trip to the nearest star. I know it's gonna be too much having them on there, spreading like a disease to other planets and moons, so I might have to make neckbeard hunting an official government job, then we can keep these fuckers off my planetary system. We're all motherfuckers from the planet Motherfucker!!
I may even open up my own restaurant. Where all the tables are higher than the chairs, and you're all like "I CAN'T REACH MY FOOD!!!" and I will pay any employee to slap you across the back of the head.
We'll call the restaurant "My Mom a Slut" so then the employees would have to pick up the phone and say "Thanks for calling 'My Mom A Slut', how may I help you?" Every friday, we have a special where I pay you $750 if you let me put my balls in your drink.
Conclusion
Why is it that bronies still watch the show? I am so sick of them, just the fact that they watch a show for little girls. Thinking they're just so charming and lovable, I just wish we all can be an asshole to everybody. Why can't we do that? Just be honest about the fact that we're all assholes and live with it? Why is it that My Little Pony is popular? It's just a show made so dipshit parents can put it on so their ugly shithead child would shut the fuck up for 30 minutes while they do the bills, contemplate suicide, argue in the other room, fight, then maybe have a murder-suicide occur.
Yes, people are this fucked up, something bronies don't want to hear. Well guess what, bronies: You need to hear this:
Humanity is fucked! We humans are such murderous scumbags, we kill and fight and exterminate everything in sight. We live our life doing nothing but kill kill kill every single creature in sight, and contribute to the death of our planet. We spread our filth to all the locations of planet Earth, we eat, shit, then die, and that's life. Yes, life as we know it is just all a big farce. Just deal with the fact that life is shit, and no amount of colorful horses is ever gonna make it less shit. You start life with parents who lie through their teeth that you'll make it in life, only to be disappointed. Then you find out that life is not all it's cracked up to be. Get treated like shit throughout school with staff and teachers who don't give a shit about you, because you're just another shithead kid they can't wait to get rid of. Then you leave high school, and you get a job at a shitty fast food chain to pay through college working with an asshole boss. Then you go home and drink away all your problems, then become an alcoholic, then get fired, become poor, then finally end yourself. Life sucks, and we're all just a miserable species, and our death is very welcome. In fact, if humanity does end itself, our Earth will just keep going like nothing has ever happened.
Well, now you know what a brony is, so you can treat them like shit like the rest of the normal people on the internet is doing.
